Everyday happenings
by Falling Tears of Death
Summary: A series of short fics that revovle around simple everday items...its more intresting than it sounds...slight yaoi.rr...I do not own the characters used and all that good stuff.
1. Paper Jam

**//say when  
just say when  
just say when- Tori Amos//**

_Paper Jam._

_ Press the black button_

His blue eyes gazed at the small screen.

Digital words racing across so fast he had to read it 3 times ,just to assemble it in his head.

Finally he figured out… there was a paper jam. All he needed to do was clear the jam then press ok, the black button.

But still.

He found him self simply sitting there.

Completely bewildered at what to do next…what the hell to DO.

He sat, staring at his cream hands, noticing every line, every cut and remembering where it came from. These weren't the hands of paper jam fixers. These weren't the hands of a young smiling boy. His hands were…

"Zero, what's taking you so long" Clay's voice traveled through the air, gently riding through his ears. For once he was speechless.

How stupid would he sound saying "It's a paper jam" to CLAY of all people.

A simple problem with a simple solution…yet still.

"Zero"

"Just go ahead Clay, I'll catch up"

Clay looked intently, examining Zero's face then nodded, "I see" his feet dragged against the floor as he left.

He wondered how many more times this would happen. How many more times would a simple problem with a simple solution become so…

Pale white hands yanked out the jammed piece of paper.

The ink was smudged, the paper wrinkled.

He glanced up to see red eyes boring into him.

Zero held his gaze, completely transfixed as if the boy in front of him had done some miracle.

"Umm…" his words fumbled clumsily out of his mouth " it was jammed"

Hiead's eyebrow rose ever so slightly…waiting.

" And you see…well"

The other boy sighed and began to turn away " All you had to do was clear the jam and then press ok, or can you not read?"

The wiring of the machine began to fill the room, it was reprinting.

Zero examined Hiead's hands, which were once clean but now had small stains of black ink and a paper cut.

One small paper cut.

And Hiead.

Who happened to STILL be there.

"You can leave you know."

Hiead shrugged, " Ahh, But what if it jams again?" his voice taunting.

Zero's eyes flickered to the tarnished sheet of paper on the floor and then to his hands… "It won't."

"Of course not anymore."

Zero returned his focus to the printer

_Document failed to print. Printer out of paper. Please fix problem then press ok_


	2. Pepper

**"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee,**

**"if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, **

**it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."-Through the looking Glass **

He kind of smelt like pepper. It was just one of the small things Roose happened to notice.

He wasn't exactly sure why, or if the smell was actually pepper…since he couldn't honestly remember what pepper smelt like. But if pepper did have a smell it would be him.

And if he had a smell it would be pepper. He was pepper. That was that.

It was all Roose really needed to know. He didn't really care what pepper smelt like, as long as it tasted good with his food. Which it did because, as the saying went, pepper IS the best spice to everything.

And if he smelt like pepper then what did that mean?

And it wasn't like he smelt that way all the time…actually correction…it wasn't like Roose could smell him all the time.

Maybe he could ask Zero, maybe he would know.

Well…he should know considering how much time Yamagi spent trying to get his attention.

Then again it WAS Zero. And he didn't care about anyone other than Hiead.

Although sometimes it occurred to Roose that for someone named Zero…for someone named no one…maybe he'd be a little…well a little less stuck up. Not that Zero wasn't nice. Not that Zero wasn't his friend. But still.

Yamagi was their friend too. Yet everyone treated him like he was below them… and more than just height wise. Roose always wondered if he was fat, would they be treating him the same way?

He never ASKED though.

Someone once said, be careful of asking, you might just get real answers.

Like if Hiead had tried to kill Zero or Clay… everyone would have shunned him…permanently. No questions asked.

But Hiead tried to kill Yamagi, and in a little while he's be sitting at there table…acting as if he had somewhere to go…but in truth he didn't.

No one really wanted Hiead around. Other than Zero. And maybe his repairer.

Then again, no one really wanted Yamagi around…or they didn't act like it.

But then again, this was GOA. No one cared about anyone.

Everyone was just sort of there. They just sort of fit.

Kind of.

They hung out, they trained. That was that.

Roose knew it.

Every once in a while he thought about it. But it wasn't like he had anywhere to go.

It wasn't like it actually bothered him…it just was what it was.

But sometimes. Just sometimes.

He wondered. What if it wasn't?

What if there was no more GOA?

What if they all just stopped…BEING?

Maybe he'd be a chef.

Yea, that sounded right, a chef. He imagined his kitchen looking like a kitchen should look…not that he really remembered kitchens but he was SURE they were wonderful. And the smell of pepper. It would HAVE to smell like pepper, maybe sugar too. Maybe.

And he'd be fat, that he KNEW for sure. But it wouldn't matter…would it?

No in a place without GOA it wouldn't matter.

Then again…Roose knew thoughts like this led to nothing.

He knew that no matter how much he thought…tomorrow there would be victim.

Tomorrow there would be GOA.

Tomorrow there would be them just being.

And like Zero says.

Or like Yamagi says, even though Zero was the first one to say it… "leave all the thinking to Clay."

Roose didn't have a problem with that; it was better that way actually. It was apart of being.

Clay could do all the thinking, Clay SHOULD do all the thinking.

Because if Yamagi really DID smell like pepper, and if pepper was Yamagi…and if he was a chef in his kitchen…well what would that mean? It HAD to mean something.

Roose was sure of it.

But another thing Roose was sure of…was simply that here, at GOA…it didn't. It couldn't. It wouldn't.

Yes, here at GOA it didn't matter really.

No, not at all.


	3. Ants

**And if I'm hanging on to your shade  
I guess I'm way beyond the pale- Tori Amos**

There was a crack in the wall.

Approximately 162.354 cm from the ceiling.

He wondered if any one else would notice it?

The small crack with a diameter of 3.2 mm.

Exactly.

As Clay watched Zero and stare into space and the other candidates scribbling down notes… he was sure no one noticed that crack.

They probably didn't notice that it was 2 degrees hotter today either.

Clay suspected someone's ex-reaction probably lowered the climate controls efficiency.

But HAD everyone else noticed…then clay would no longer be SPEACIAL.

Unique.

Different.

One of the only candidates who use BRAIN over brawn.

He knew Hiead could kill him in a single second.

He also knew no one here could beat him at chess.

Roose had asked him once…with all the time he spent examining things did he ever ENJOY them?

Well…

If Clay was being honest…

Well if he WAS being honest…

Sometimes he wished, he could just be NORMAL.

.Like even now his hand, like everyone else's hand was moving rapidly.

Words forming on the sheet of paper.

It's not like Clay really needed notes, but he HAD to write them.

Like the crack in the wall.

His eyes couldn't stop staring.

Couldn't stop trying to figure out how it got there.

Examining.

Wondering if something was in there.

Maybe a ant, maybe a small colony of ants pushing there way through.

If it was ants how did they get there?

How were ants in space?

Better yet GOA?

Here at GOA where every little thing was synthetic and controlled.

Yet he knew…

There HAD to be something in there,

There was no way GOA made that crack themselves…for what purpose?

He wondered…

"Clay is it just me? Or does none of this make any sense?"

"Maybe it's ants."

"What?" Zero turned to look Clay dead in the face. Watching.

"Haven't you noticed the ants at GOA?"

"Huh?"

"Hmm.."

Zero turned back around.

Maybe it WAS too much for Clay to ask.

Maybe he hoped for too much.

For thinking, that for ONCE…

Someone was just like him.

It was moments like this that made him notice.

Because while Zero was staring into space, he was dreaming about being a pilot.

But…

When CLAY was staring into space…he was wondering about cracks in the wall.

While Zero and everyone else were LIVING

Clay would ALWAYS be outside

Watching…

Examining…

Wishing he could jut GO

Where ever the ants were.

**a/n: THANK YOU so much insanetrio…I was about to give up…but you gave me inspiration…I hope not to fail you. 33**

**O and as to the question why pepper…I thought pepper fit yagami in the way that it is spicy but if you use to much it can be overpowering…how yagami does have things going for him but he tries so hard to be something else…and I guess idk pepper just fit lol.**


	4. Smoke

**/and when I awoke and felt you warm and near  
I kissed your honey hair with my grateful tears  
oh, I love you- For Emily, wherever I may find her/**

He HATED the smell of cigarettes.

The taste it left in his mouth.

The way id cloaked his clothes.

He hated everything about them.

But yet…

He smoked.

He smoked so much that they were times

Like now…

When he was sure he and the smoked mingled

Connected

Became one.

Just for a moment.

And then he exhaled.

But that didn't make him a smoker. At least not yet.

He DID smoke, occasionally.

Some of the time.

All of the time.

Some of all of the time.

But he wasn't a smoker.

Eh could stop if he wanted to.

He would stop when…

Every now and then he realized it was killing him.

When the smoke was in his eyes

In his ears

Suffocating

He realized.

Becoming one with the very thing he HATED.

The ONLY thing he hated more than her.

There it was…that truth staring him dead in the face.

The he inhaled…

Cause he'd rather die…

He'd rather hate himself…

Than live with her.

Than be with her.

…and then he exhaled…

The smoke shrouded him

Clogging all his senses

Azuma could feel it…that sense of being.

That sense of belonging.

Of hating yet loving.

Of needing but…

Suffering.

Of HER.

In the smoke he could see HER.

The image of her face.

Of beautiful golden hair, mingled with the smoke.

And GOD she was SO frickin beautiful.

She was…

She was…

So close.

And every time he would want to REACH her…

The cigarette would fall from his lips.

Landing soundlessly into the ash below him.

All that would be left was the smell of smoke.

The smell of smoke.

And the feeling of her.


	5. Fans

**/From now on,  
our troubles will be out of sight -Have yourself a merry little Christmas/**

There were times he would just lie there.

Not moving, barely breathing, just there.

Staring at the fan spinning rapidly above him…

Just being…there.

Fans bothered Hiead.

They were one of the only things he couldn't figure out.

That and the boy lying one bed away from him.

But in moments like this none of that mattered.

Hiead would lay there, tired not broken…

But bending.

An imperfectly perfect mess.

Listening to him just breathe and watching the fan spin.

And for some strange reason it all would start to make sense.

How something could have blades but not cut.

How somehow pushing hot air around made things cooler…somehow.

Sometimes Hiead thought fans only worked because people believed in them.

Because people thought that the fans SHOULD make them cooler…so they convinced themselves that they did.

Just like Zero.

Like now as he's sleeping.

Hiead starts to doubt if Zero really IS his real enemy.

His equal.

Maybe Zero was only a challenge because Hiead WANTED him to be.

Because Hiead needed him to be.

Maybe Hiead was really JUST like everyone else.

Just clinging for something to believe in.

Because in ALL honesty…Hiead couldn't think of any reason why Zero won today.

Not ONE.

He could think of zero reasons why Zero won today.

Why he let him win.

Yes, he'd admit it…today he had let Zero win…because Zero hadn't won in a while.

And if Zero stopped winning…

Suddenly Hiead didn't feel comfortable anymore…suddenly Hiead felt HOT.

But the fan was still spinning.

And Zero was still breathing.

And for a moment Zero and the fan and EVERYTHING just melted together.

Connecting.

And then Zero would sneeze…and Hiead would feel something like hate boil underneath his skin.

And Zero would shift…further breaking Hiead's focus…lying in a perfectly imperfect mess that WAS Zero.

And sometimes Hiead would reach his hand up…tempting to touch.

But knowing it was a waste of his time…knowing that moving would stop everything.

So he didn't.

And there were times he'd want to touch him.

Hit him.

Choke him.

But he couldn't.

And the blades would keep spinning….and all of it began to seem pointless.

Completely, totally pointless.

Because something told him that if the fan stopped spinning…and if Zero stopped breathing…

What would there be to believe in?

And if there was nothing…would it matter?

Would any of this matter?


	6. Fly

**/on days  
like this  
you know who your  
friends are…..**

_I'm glad you're on   
my side still-**Taxi Ride**/_

Sometimes Yagami felt invisible.

Lonely.

Pathetic.

Not because no one noticed him.

And not because he was alone.

No.

It wasn't any of those things.

But sometimes.

Like when he's in a room full of his "friends"….

He feels like a fly on the wall.

Watching.

Waiting for his turn.

Maybe it was because he never felt GOOD ENOUGH.

Maybe it was because in the back of his mind….something told him…he didn't BELONG here.

Clay was the smart one.

Zero was the brave, outgoing one.

Roose was the friendly one.

Hiead was the silent and brooding one.

And Yagami was….

Well he was….

Nothing….no one.

He had no niche to fill.

Maybe that's why he tried so hard to get Zero's attention.

Because if he could just get Zero to acknowledge him…

To fight him as his equal…then maybe…

MAYBE

Yagami would have a purpose there.

He was almost sure he'd never become a pilot.

Not after Hiead happened.

It was in that moment…those few seconds when he thought everything was really over…he felt IT…that feeling of KNOWING that you DON'T matter.

And every time Hiead sat at their table it was a reminder…that if Hiead had killed him it would have only fueled Zero's and his competition more.

Hiead would still be sitting at the table.

He would still be sitting there…and no one would notice the empty spot near Roose.

Roose…

There were times Yagami felt that Roose might be the only one…who could kinda, sorta, maybe CARE about him.

Or maybe Roose was just the kind of person who happened to notice flys…

But even so.

If Yagami HAD to give himself a title….he would be Roose's best friend.

Well he hoped so.

And for now…that was enough.

It had to be.

Roose was enough to give being at GOA some purpose.

And Roose was enough to make Yagami WANT more than this.

Because it was good to know he mattered to someone.

Even if that someone was a weak, glutton.

EVEN if that someone was a weak, glutton with a big heart.

Especially if that.


	7. Glasses

**/in my head i found you there and  
running around and following me  
but you don't, oh, dare, now  
but i find that i have, now  
more then i ever wanted to…..**

_that makes it all clear  
makes it all...  
hey, do you know  
hey, do you know  
what this is doing to me?  
oh, here...  
here...  
here. in my head_-**_Here in My head/_**

Maybe you should just breathe.

Maybe?

Something like that…she was sure someone had told her.

Maybe you should just breathe.

Relax.

Take a deep breath…and stop those hands from sweating.

Maybe?

Maybe you should do SOMETHING…and try not to be so useless.

Or something like that…she was sure Hiead was always telling her.

Or maybe it went kinda like stay out of my way.

Something.

Sometimes she thought her hearing was going.

Like her head was getting all loopy.

She almost thought it was the air in space…then she realized there was NO air in space.

Just G.O.A.

So maybe G.O.A. was making her go all…weird?

Maybe…perhaps.

Or it had to be something….else.

She couldn't even be a good repairer…and it's not like Hiead asked for much.

He wasn't like a Clay or a Roose who needed to be walked through things.

It wasn't like Ikhny could lead someone…but still.

She couldn't figure…couldn't wrap her head around what was happening to her.

However…she was fully aware…

Her hearing was going.

Like Kizna could have been possibly talking, she was sure her lips were moving but nothing was coming out.

Ikhny was beginning to feel like her body was becoming disconnected.

Or maybe she just needed better glasses.

Which don't help fading hearing…but still.

If she could see better then listening wouldn't matter much would it?

Cause every time she looked through her glasses everything was blurry.

It was like she was only half seeing…like she was seeing through the looking glass.

Like…sometimes Hiead's eyes looked blue.

And sometimes Roose hands reached longingly for Yamagi.

Or like…Kizna face when Zero was talking to anyone else BUT her.

But then she blinked…and everything got all fuzzy…and there was a buzz in her ear.

Then she'd look again and it would be gone.

As if it had never actually been there before…and she didn't really know how to feel about that.

Cause she didn't like the thought of going crazy.

Or deaf and blind.

Maybe she could handle one.

Just one.

Maybe.

It felt like her life was full of maybes.

Full of DOUBT.

Never really knowing what she was seeing.

Never really comprehending what she was hearing.

Always feeling so…disconnected.

Even from her best friend.

Because unlike her…she and Hiead did NOT fit.

They did not compliment.

And there was a deep part of her that WISHED…

That one day she'd have the guts to wish…

To wish…

That Hiead could just die.

And for some new glasses.

Then maybe…

Just maybe…

Someone would walk up…and she'd see them.

They'd walk up and say "hello I'm your new candidate…what's your name?"

And she'd HEAR them…every word and it would be the most beautiful thing she could ever hear.

Yeah, she would hear them and say…well she would smile…

Take a deep breath…

And say "Hello, my name is Ikhny Allecto…it's very nice to meet you."

A/N: Thanks for all those who have either read or reviewed this piece. I'm hoping to put 2 more chapters here…one for Kizna and one for Rill after that I'll be starting another sorta series thing. Ok till next time ).


	8. Moth

**-So many dreams sitting on the shelf-Tori Amos-**

_/I will watch the children, If you pay all the bills-Where have all the cowboys gone?/_

She never really understood what love was.

Sure she had heard stories.

And sure…she supposed she had seen people in love.

But for the actual thing itself…she could never be sure.

And she always hated uncertainties.

Like when a pilot came in injured and she wasn't sure if they would make it.

And HIM.

Everything about HIM was an uncertainty.

Maybe that's why…

She used to think she could possibly love him.

Possibly. Probably.

But he never brought her roses.

Never.

And when she thought of love…she imagined a house, a dog, kids, a husband who kissed like a movies star and….

Still gave her beautiful roses.

Then again…she had to remind herself she could be wrong.

She didn't REALLY know any of that for sure.

What she DID know was he didn't give her butterflies either.

Maybe moths instead.

Like something inside of her being eaten away.

Every time she stared at his rough face…

And smelt the rusting smell of smoke that was just HIM…

She felt like gagging.

But yet…

She always found herself standing with him.

Regretting things she couldn't change.

Wishing for things she couldn't have.

Because she could be right beside him…and everything still felt so out of reach.

It confused her sometimes…how she ever came to this point.

Top nurse of G.O.A.

Wasn't she supposed to be the repairer of the pilot that defeated victim?

Wasn't she supposed to move to Zion, become a mom?

Fall in love?

Wasn't she? And wasn't he going to…

Pushing the few golden strands out of her face, she stared at the smoke he was blowing and decided…

He was a moth.

Everything he WAS.

Everything he REPRESENTED.

A moth chewing at her.

Nesting.

A moth…her second rate butterfly.

Her dreams unrecognized.

Foolish desires burned in a flame.

But Rill didn't like thoughts like those.

Because the burning in her stomach told her…

If he was a moth…

What did that make her?

**A/N: yes I know, this one took a while to post. Well hopefully the last chapter comes sooner. Thanks to all.**


	9. Puzzle

_**/ I'm useless but will you love me anyway?-unkown/**_

_/Sometimes it be that way-Jewel/_

If she could have everything she wanted.

Well the most important thing she wanted.

He'd close his eyes and tell her….tell her how much he loved her and how being with her made him forget to try to remember fading faces.

That she was enough for him to be better for.

That she was more important then….him.

He'd tell her she was everything he needed, everything he wanted…and that she was perfect…cat ears and all.

But this was life. This was life on G.O.A. And Kizna was aware that what she wanted and what she got rarely ever matched.

Sometimes she wasn't even sure why she wanted him.

Maybe because it was comforting to have something that felt reachable…touchable.

Constant.

Maybe because all her dreams rested in him. Because he was going to be a pilot.

He would succeed where she failed.

Well he HAD to succeed where she failed….so that her life wouldn't feel so pointless.

So finally she'd have more to remember than disappointments.

And maybe he'd kiss her….maybe.

And IF she could have everything she wanted…his lips would feel like silk…and his kiss would taste like strawberries.

They would FIT like a puzzle. The way everyone thought they did.

And she would lay beside him….and she would BE him and he would be her.

It wouldn't matter that EX was GOING to kill him and that she'd never be a full person.

None of the puzzle pieces would be missing.

Because in the REAL WORLD…Kizna was full aware of how incomplete she was.

Of how ridiculous she must look beside his blue eyed perfection.

And of how she'd never really measured up…that she wasn't his equal.

Hiead was.

And those were the pieces life had given her.

Or as Wrecka says, just a tad to cheerfully…. "that's the way the cookie crumbles."

It's the way things are…

The way they always will be.

The way things FIT….even if it wasn't how she wanted it to fit.

But maybe she was just being selfish.

Maybe she was being stupid for thinking life was FAIR.

But wasn't there supposed to be a rainbow after the rain?

Where was her silver lining?

Didn't she DESERVE some sort of happiness...after all this time?

Hadn't she accepted that she wasn't going to be a pilot?

Hadn't she accepted that she wasn't going to ever look NORMAL?

Hadn't she suffered every unbearable day with a smile?

And this is what she got…nothing….absolutely nothing to show for it.

Sometimes she wished she was smart like Clay.

Then maybe she'd be able to put the pieces to the puzzle together.

Maybe she'd be able to understand…to fill in the missing blanks.

But then there were these time, like now…laying beside him in the grass where she felt like they were beginning to mold…become one.

Times like now…when it was ENOUGH to know he would fulfill all her hopes, her dreams, and that he would carry her when she fell.

Times like now when everything felt perfect….when everything felt worthwhile.

But then she'd notice him staring at Hiead who was yelling at Ikhny and she knew….

She KNEW.

What did it matter??

Because even if she could…for a moment…have everything she ever wanted…

It wouldn't change anything.

It wouldn't change the fact…

That at the end of the day…when the war was over…

When Zero either won or couldn't fight anymore…

She would be left alone.

With nothing.

With a whole lot of nothing.

Just waiting for her turn as the weight of unshed tears and missing pieces crushed her.

**A/N: Whoooohooo…finally the end of this…I'm excited cause now I can write something new…thanks to all who r/r…hopefully the 1st chapter of my new story will be soon. **


End file.
